Why Leadership Coaching Might Frustrate You (and ulitimately benefit you)

Recently,  a coaching client asked my opinion about some decisions they are facing.  While part of me wanted to give my opinion, I knew I couldn't because I was wearing my Leadership Coaching hat which requires honoring the fact that this gentleman is responsible to steward his own life and that giving advise would cheat him of the opportunity to build his own decision-making muscles.  Thus, I launched into the following reminder about the uniqueness of coaching, and why it might sometimes be frustrating.  The re-orientation I wrote to him is below.

Coaching might frustrate you because I might often answer questions with questions.  The reason for this is the uniqueness of Leadership Coaching which is “The discipline of believing in people that engages where they are motivated to grow, change or to accomplish goals, that keeps them responsible for the process.” 

Not only do I not have a right to tell you what I think you should do, I also don’t know.  Seriously.  I believe more in your ability to hear God than my ability to hear for you.  Plus, a core value in Christian Leadership Coaching is “Own Life Responsibility”.  If I tell you what I think you should do then I usurp your right to steward your life.  Does this make sense? 

The furthest I should ever go as a coach is to share what I have done or would do in a set of circumstances, but that only after you have exhausted your own analysis of options for a decision, and only if you ask for it or give me permission to share. After all, part of the reason you’ve chosen me as a coach is because I do have a background of unique life and professional experiences.  I won’t cheat you of perspective or learning from those experiences, but I won’t lead with it.  Focus on your life, your perspective and your goals and action-strategies will ultimately build you as a better leader of your own life rather than cloning you after me. 

Sometimes business executives (and ministry leaders/executives) become frustrated with the coach approach because they are used to hierarchical command and control from bosses/supervisors, or receiving advice from consultants.  Coaching takes more time because the leader is the one doing the hard work of critical thinking and reflection.  I’ve had more than one coaching client become exasperated and say, “Just tell me what to do!”  If I did it would be akin to taking the wheel out of the hand of a student driver, or taking the hammer away from an apprentice carpenter.  The leader who is learning to lead more effectively (in all domains of their life) needs to be the one to rack their brain for phrasing of goals, to generate action-steps and to trouble-shoot challenges.  It’s like weight-lifting; the athlete doesn’t become stronger if the coach lifts the weight. 

I’ve also heard from more than one leadership team that I’ve trained in coaching that they don’t have time to coach their employees or volunteers because it would do one or both of the following:

1. Change the culture from hierarchical command and control which could reduce their value as a decision-maker and supervisor.
2. Take too much time which could hinder the bottom line of the company or ministry in the short-run, (e.g., “It’s quicker and safer to tell people what to do, especially when quotas are at stake.”)

 Both of these are true!  Integration of a coach approach into one's life or organization CHANGES EVERYTHING!  People listen with heart and skill, share more transparently, envision ideal future outcomes, collaborate in problem-solving and much much more.  What could be bad about all of that?  Well, that's a topic for another blog, but let's leave it at this.  Change is challenging.  New ways of thinking and relating might ultimately be good, but making changes comes with a price; namely, time, energy, and grief about a way of being that is no longer.

Now, this isn’t all there is to be said about the uniqueness of coaching, but it’s a fair introduction to what you can expect if you hire a Christian Leadership Coach.  Oh, and by the way.  Give it a fair shot.  A minimum trial of seven sixty minute sessions over a period of three months is a reasonable span of life to sample the unique potency of this approach to building you as a better leader of your life.

God bless, Jeff