Thursday, October 25, 2012

Tears That Heal

"I'm not going to cry today" said my tough minded client.  "Okay" I replied as I watched them toss the Kleenex box to the other side of the couch.  "I'm tired of crying."   A few minutes later they reached for the box.  "Guess I'm not done being sad . . . ".  "It's okay.  In fact, I'm encouraged that you are able to grieve and that you are letting yourself.  To a therapist tears are healthy.  See the tears in my eyes?  I feel compassion for what you're going through, and its good that you are letting yourself feel the magnitude of the loss and change in your life.  Keep the tears in and you've got a pretty good recipe for depression and anger.  Let them out . . . even though you're tired  of how it feels and you'll get through this time to a 'new normal'.

It's hard to think of a case that turned out well without some tears.  Whether it was grief about tragic death, remorse for infidelity, harsh and unkind treatment of a spouse, anger and sadness at self for wasted time and opportunities due to selfish pursuits or the damage done by addictions . . . clients need to cry.

I know that folks we serve are cooperating with the process when they look for the Kleenex box and put it beside them at the beginning of a session, "Just in case" they say.  They we often cry together.

At Grace & Truth we regularly see God turn mourning into dancing, but not before tears have soaked the dance floor.  Healing and growth isn't necessarily comfortable or easy, but its worth it.

Are you holding back tears? Tired of crying?  Who are you comfortable to cry with?

Joy comes in the morning because joy is restored through mourning.



*Jeff Williams is a Supervising Professional Clinical Counselor, Founder and Director of Grace & Truth Counseling which provided clinical counseling and life, leadership and relationship coaching globally,