What do you mean they need counseling?

I wish I had a dollar for every time I've had a conversation like this:

"What do you do for a living?"

Me - "I'm a professional counselor. I help people that have mental or emotional disorders."

"Oh, I know someone who really needs your help."

Me - "Do they know it?"

"No, not really. How could we get them to see you? Will you call them?"

Me - "No."

"Why not?"

Me - "It really doesn't work very well for me to call people to tell them that they need help. They need to see it for themselves or to hear it from people that care for them. And, it needs to be concern in love, such as, 'I really care about you and I see you struggling with some difficult things in life right now. Would you consider seeing a professional to help you to understand what's happening and how to make things better?'"

"Oh, okay. Maybe I'll have that conversation. What's your number?"

Me - "Here's a card. I would be happy to talk with your friend briefly before even scheduling an appointment. Some people are pretty nervous about counseling. They fear that they're going to be diagnosed and told what's wrong with them, or like going to a Dr. that they're going to find out that they have a problem that can't be fixed. Sometimes meeting me briefly and hearing how I approach counseling can help to put them at ease enough that they are willing to schedule an appointment."

What it means when someone says, "They need counseling."

1. They care about someone that is going through a really hard and they don't know how to help them.

2. They see someone making bad decisions that are going to have negative consequences. They've tried to get them to stop, but haven't been successful.

3. They know someone that is very annoying or disruptive, but that person either doesn't know it or isn't willing to change.

Getting People to Counseling

1. Offer to go with them.
This is a highly effective way to get someone over the hump of anxiety about counseling, especially if they've never gone before. In addition to your comforting presence, you are conveying that they are worth your time and that their situation warrants your sacrifice.
2. Disclose that you once sought counseling and how it was helpful. My list of client testimonies includes disclosure from a community leader about the benefits of my counseling for him and his entire family. It is really powerful and puts people at ease when high functioning people that are respected in the community normalize counseling as a ministry God has provided for the health and strengthening of the Body of Christ!

3. Promise to stay alongside as they go through the process. I celebrate supportive pastors and friends that are willing to attend sessions, and spend extra time to listen and to encourage. At best, counseling catalyzed growth and change in person's life. In crisis, a client may have 2-3 hours of counseling each week (although 1 hour is more common). This is a very small fraction of the hours in a week (168). That's a lot of life to be lived between appointments. Those that continue to live in the midst of a supportive social and faith community get through their difficulties more quickly.

What do YOU mean, "They need counseling"?
The next time the thought crosses your mind, "They need counseling" think through it with these questions:

1. Why do I think that? What do I mean?

2. What outcome would I like to see or that I think is possible if they get effective counseling? What will be happening or won't be happening after they've been counseled effectively?

3. How can I help in the process? What role would God have me play in getting some help for them and/or supporting them in the process?

4. What would I want from friends, pastors, and others if I were going through a time like this?

When you think, "They need counseling" it's a pretty serious thought. Some disorders have mortality rate associated with them. And some life circumstances put otherwise normally functioning people at risk to commit suicide or homicide. And many people needlessly suffer prolonged bouts of depression and anxiety because they haven't had access to state of the art diagnosis and treatment. It's better to err on the side of caution by consulting with a professional about your concerns and how to get a person into treatment than to have something happen and live with regret.