Three Types of Counseling Clients: Customers, Complainants and Visitors

Not everyone who comes for counseling wants help for themselves. Some come to complain about others, and some come to satisfy the mandate of their spouse, employer or the court. Job #1 for the counselor is to determine which type of client is in their office.

Customers really want help. They're motivated to grow and change or to figure out a solution for a complicated situation because they are in emotional and/or physical distress. They are experiencing uncomfortable symptoms that might indicate an emotional or mental disorder, grief or some type of transition. They WANT help, and they are willing to do almost anything the counselor recommends to alleviate their distress or to make progress through a relational or vocational dilemma. We counselors love to serve this type of client. Why? They cooperate with our purpose, which is to help people. Unfortunately, other types are not as easy.

Complainants come to counseling appointments to inform the counselor of all the bad things that their spouse, child or employer has done. "It's about time they get some help" is their not so subtle pronouncement when they enter the office. The point is usually lost on them that they might be part of the problem, either in the way that they are responding to their loved one (who isn't feeling their love), or because they actually precipitated the circumstance by some injurious attitude, words or behavior. The task of the counselor with complainants is to facilitate their catharsis with good-will and respect, while praying and waiting for them to indict themselves as part of the "identified client's" problems, or they invite the counselor to opine. "You've heard the way I see things. How do you see things?" Effective listening with sincerity and respect often earns the right to be heard. At that juncture it becomes possible to transition the "complainant" to a "customer" who is willing to work on something to help the "identified client", or to improve the situation.

Visitors are clients that have been mandated to attend counseling. Either their spouse, employer or a good friend has somehow given an ultimatum or leveraged them "to at least try counseling before you ________ (divorce, quit your job, continue your addiction, etc.)." The classic visitor sits mostly silent with arms crossed, daring the "shrink" to "get me to talk". This is where the psychologically trained professional earns the full fee. While a temptation is to refuse to play the game, compassion and discernment usually reveals that the visitor is scared. Why else would they respond to pressure of ultimatum? There must be something they fear worse than counseling, such as loss of relationship, job, or freedom (e.g., counseling in lieu of incarceration). Once that is discovered, it becomes possible to transition the visitor to the posture of a customer. There must be something they want. One of my most effective questions is this, "What's the least amount of change that _____ (the one that mandated counseling) wants to see that would get them off your back?" This makes possible the development of a therapeutic alliance with the visitor. Now you can start working on something together. The clients experiences the counselor as being in their corner. Once the objective they chose is satisfied, it is not uncommon for such clients to identify other objectives. "Hey, you helped me with that. Maybe you can help me with ____." That's pay-dirt in a therapeutic relationship; an invitation to be helpful.

Whether you are making a referral or going for counseling yourself, this taxonomy of clients can be helpful. When making a referral, consider how you see the client. Are they highly motivated and willing to take responsibility? Are they blind to their part of the situation, but willing to attend counseling with a loved one? Or are you having to cash in all your relational equity chips to get them to "go to counseling" or else lose their job or relationship with you? With the training above you can figure out which is which, and provide the receiving counselor with a bit more information that will help them to be effective.

God bless,

Jeff